Flirting in Disguise

I really detest people who pretend to be a friend in order to have a romantic relationship.

It destroys the meaning of friendship. It betrays the good intention of being a good companion. It makes simple things get complicated. It makes the right things go wrong. I just want to treat people like I want to be treated. That's why, in general, I am warm and affectionate to all my friends. I will do my best not to make them feel bad, rejected, annoyed or offended. But how if someone abuses my friendly gestures in order to get what they want? I feel deceived. "Flirting in disguise" is a cheap, pathetic, cowardly way to get a date.


If I am attracted to someone (and I can't be just a friend anymore), I'll say it. If he says no, it'll be fine for me, because I have the right to offer, he has the right to accept or refuse. It is fair. Yet in reality, some people like to make approaches to a girl (in the name of friendship), say nothing about their feelings but slowly push the boundaries so that he could get what he wants! What makes me upset is not the fact that they like someone, but the approaches. They are not honest. Their friendship is not sincere. This is selfish. They play safe: even though the girl isn't attracted to them, at least they can still be around. Moreover, they believe (I don't know where this idea comes from) that if they keep trying, eventually the girl will fall to their arms. This is such a non sense. The more they force their will, the worse their relationship will be. Really, before starting any relationship, at least we ought to respect other people's choices.

I don't tolerate people who have hidden agenda while I am trying to treat them well as friends. When I was very young I enjoyed people's attention and approaches. I felt like a pop star when my male friends flirted with me in disguise of being friendly. I didn't hang up the phone although someone I didn't fancy at all making some useless conversations for hours. I didn't leave when someone I wasn't in love with kept visiting me every weekend. I just felt good that I was attractive. But now I have better things to do. I know what I want and I don't need help to decide whether I am attracted or not. I have a strange feeling that people tend to think that a girl on her own is a target to catch. Like chicken or rabbit. Is it hard to think that this girl has the right on her own, has life, has choices, has brain? That she is not merely an object of interest?

People always say that I am arrogant when I complain about this subject. They said that I should feel lucky instead of angry. Lucky? I'm losing friends because they turn out to be fake. I can't be very outgoing and affable because I am worried that someone might misunderstand me. In one occasion someone told his girlfriend that he thinks I have a crush on him. When I heard this rumour, my first reaction was laughing. He must be joking, we only met once! But then I got upset because this rumour made the situation awkward although I didn't even know him at all. In another occasion someone kept asking me to go out only because I hang out with him (and another friend) once! Or kept texting/phoning me just because I had made a conversation. Do you still count this lucky? Worse off, when I start saying no, people will consider me a proud or vain person. This is because some people are not honest. They want something else but conceal it in a friendly way. They demand special treatment and confuse it between being nice or flirtatious. Sometimes, we are not sure whether this person is being a mere lovely friend or trying his luck. But I'd say: better safe than sorry.

If a friendship develops into something more, that's a different story. Sadly, more often than not, there is a false intention from the beginning: flirting in disguise. I will say that this kind of guy has so little confidence in him. This kind of guy deserves nothing but pity.

Only Indonesians care about how other Indonesians speak English

Telling people how to say something in English is a no-no unless they ask you to do so. (Or you have nothing else to do apart from picking your nose with chopsticks)

It's true. It's greatly annoying to be corrected all the time. We, of course, want to always deliver flawless English with sophisticated grammar and pronunciation, an Obama kind of speech. But let's face it: bad grammar sometimes happens to good people. I mean, even the queen of England makes mistake (well, I'm pretty sure about this). Again, the most important part is the message, right? When two people or more understand each other when speaking a language (or sort of a language), then what's the problem?

So, should we let people saying, "Thanks you very much" or "I can to swim" as long as we understand what they actually mean? I'd say, yes. Unless we are in the classroom and they pay you to teach them English.

I don't mind being corrected. I just point out that it's irritating to edit my sentence when I'm trying to put my idea across or to pour out my feelings. Imagine a situation like this:
Me : "I really like you. I think I love to you,"
Mr. Editor: "No, that's not how you should say it. It's 'I love you' without to"
Me : "Oh. You also too? You love to me too?"
Mr. Editor: "No, I don't mean like that. I mean you should say I love you, not I love to you. And 'also too' is not correct either. If you say also you don't need to say too,"
Me : *confused*"So do you do love me too also? Me love you too"
I bear in mind that in this case, he did nothing wrong, because he's Mr. Editor. He's just doing his job ^_^

In Indonesia, I guess people are very self-aware while speaking other languages. In my opinion this is quite normal since we always treat foreign languages like Math or Physics, with their rules and regulations. Thus, it's important to encourage people to speak or write in order to get them over their inhibition. Yet in reality some people tend to do the opposite. By criticising and pointing out mistakes, some people feel they know better and so that they are cleverer or more sophisticated. I assume that these people haven't learnt a lot therefore need acknowledgment from others. It's selfish because ones want to gain respect by making other people look inferior. If someone want to correct others, better do it in a classroom, where everybody is learning.

English is not for showing off. It's just a lingua franca, to bridge people from different native languages. I write in English because I want to speak to wider audience. To say a joke that perhaps can not be expressed in my mother tongue. On the other hand, to asses other people language ability when it's not an examination is rather impolite. Unless you have nothing else to do but to teach your parrot to sing Auld Lang Syne.

PS. I know I also too made mistakes in this writing. Please please please don't tell my editor or my English teacher. I haven't beaten him in scrabble games yet. Yet! =)

PSS. This post is also too (^_^) inspired by Vicky Laurentina.