Minggu, 16 Mei 2010

Flirting in Disguise

I really detest people who pretend to be a friend in order to have a romantic relationship.

It destroys the meaning of friendship. It betrays the good intention of being a good companion. It makes simple things get complicated. It makes the right things go wrong. I just want to treat people like I want to be treated. That's why, in general, I am warm and affectionate to all my friends. I will do my best not to make them feel bad, rejected, annoyed or offended. But how if someone abuses my friendly gestures in order to get what they want? I feel deceived. "Flirting in disguise" is a cheap, pathetic, cowardly way to get a date.

If I am attracted to someone (and I can't be just a friend anymore), I'll say it. If he says no, it'll be fine for me, because I have the right to offer, he has the right to accept or refuse. It is fair. Yet in reality, some people like to make approaches to a girl (in the name of friendship), say nothing about their feelings but slowly push the boundaries so that he could get what he wants! What makes me upset is not the fact that they like someone, but the approaches. They are not honest. Their friendship is not sincere. This is selfish. They play safe: even though the girl isn't attracted to them, at least they can still be around. Moreover, they believe (I don't know where this idea comes from) that if they keep trying, eventually the girl will fall to their arms. This is such a non sense. The more they force their will, the worse their relationship will be. Really, before starting any relationship, at least we ought to respect other people's choices.

I don't tolerate people who have hidden agenda while I am trying to treat them well as friends. When I was very young I enjoyed people's attention and approaches. I felt like a pop star when my male friends flirted with me in disguise of being friendly. I didn't hang up the phone although someone I didn't fancy at all making some useless conversations for hours. I didn't leave when someone I wasn't in love with kept visiting me every weekend. I just felt good that I was attractive. But now I have better things to do. I know what I want and I don't need help to decide whether I am attracted or not. I have a strange feeling that people tend to think that a girl on her own is a target to catch. Like chicken or rabbit. Is it hard to think that this girl has the right on her own, has life, has choices, has brain? That she is not merely an object of interest?

People always say that I am arrogant when I complain about this subject. They said that I should feel lucky instead of angry. Lucky? I'm losing friends because they turn out to be fake. I can't be very outgoing and affable because I am worried that someone might misunderstand me. In one occasion someone told his girlfriend that he thinks I have a crush on him. When I heard this rumour, my first reaction was laughing. He must be joking, we only met once! But then I got upset because this rumour made the situation awkward although I didn't even know him at all. In another occasion someone kept asking me to go out only because I hang out with him (and another friend) once! Or kept texting/phoning me just because I had made a conversation. Do you still count this lucky? Worse off, when I start saying no, people will consider me a proud or vain person. This is because some people are not honest. They want something else but conceal it in a friendly way. They demand special treatment and confuse it between being nice or flirtatious. Sometimes, we are not sure whether this person is being a mere lovely friend or trying his luck. But I'd say: better safe than sorry.

If a friendship develops into something more, that's a different story. Sadly, more often than not, there is a false intention from the beginning: flirting in disguise. I will say that this kind of guy has so little confidence in him. This kind of guy deserves nothing but pity.

3 komentar:

Vicky Laurentina mengatakan...

I have a friend who keeps flirting with me in disguise. I dislike it, coz he keeps flirting though he knows that now I'm dating someone else. He still treat me as if I'm his girlfriend, while I'm definitely not. A man should have some pride, he shouldn't flirt with a girl who's in relationship with another guy.

He might fighting for me, but that doesn't impress me. A friend remains a friend, a boyfriend is a friend for flirting with. I really determine it. And if he annoys me with his flirt, he could lose my sympathy and he can't be longer as my friend anymore.

Sri Riyati mengatakan...

Thanks Vicky.

Your case is even worse since you have boyfriend, but at least you have a clear reason to get annoyed. In my case,it's difficult to explain why I get cross. Perhaps the best reason is that I really am not interested, there's no use of keep trying. But this is tricky since we are just friends, and this people never say their real intention. They just use lame excuses to keep me around. To be honest, I wonder why I got so upset and not flattered at all. I guess because I feel betrayed. I treat him well because he's a friend but he just takes advantages from this without considering my feelings (he doesn't care if I am comfortable or not, as long as he gets what he wants).

It's not that they fight for us, Vicky. It's all about their own needs. If you really care about someone, you'll respect their decision. Whether it pleased you or not.

Sri Riyati mengatakan...

Yes, definitely they lost my friendship.