Minggu, 16 Mei 2010
Flirting in Disguise
It destroys the meaning of friendship. It betrays the good intention of being a good companion. It makes simple things get complicated. It makes the right things go wrong. I just want to treat people like I want to be treated. That's why, in general, I am warm and affectionate to all my friends. I will do my best not to make them feel bad, rejected, annoyed or offended. But how if someone abuses my friendly gestures in order to get what they want? I feel deceived. "Flirting in disguise" is a cheap, pathetic, cowardly way to get a date.
If I am attracted to someone (and I can't be just a friend anymore), I'll say it. If he says no, it'll be fine for me, because I have the right to offer, he has the right to accept or refuse. It is fair. Yet in reality, some people like to make approaches to a girl (in the name of friendship), say nothing about their feelings but slowly push the boundaries so that he could get what he wants! What makes me upset is not the fact that they like someone, but the approaches. They are not honest. Their friendship is not sincere. This is selfish. They play safe: even though the girl isn't attracted to them, at least they can still be around. Moreover, they believe (I don't know where this idea comes from) that if they keep trying, eventually the girl will fall to their arms. This is such a non sense. The more they force their will, the worse their relationship will be. Really, before starting any relationship, at least we ought to respect other people's choices.
I don't tolerate people who have hidden agenda while I am trying to treat them well as friends. When I was very young I enjoyed people's attention and approaches. I felt like a pop star when my male friends flirted with me in disguise of being friendly. I didn't hang up the phone although someone I didn't fancy at all making some useless conversations for hours. I didn't leave when someone I wasn't in love with kept visiting me every weekend. I just felt good that I was attractive. But now I have better things to do. I know what I want and I don't need help to decide whether I am attracted or not. I have a strange feeling that people tend to think that a girl on her own is a target to catch. Like chicken or rabbit. Is it hard to think that this girl has the right on her own, has life, has choices, has brain? That she is not merely an object of interest?
People always say that I am arrogant when I complain about this subject. They said that I should feel lucky instead of angry. Lucky? I'm losing friends because they turn out to be fake. I can't be very outgoing and affable because I am worried that someone might misunderstand me. In one occasion someone told his girlfriend that he thinks I have a crush on him. When I heard this rumour, my first reaction was laughing. He must be joking, we only met once! But then I got upset because this rumour made the situation awkward although I didn't even know him at all. In another occasion someone kept asking me to go out only because I hang out with him (and another friend) once! Or kept texting/phoning me just because I had made a conversation. Do you still count this lucky? Worse off, when I start saying no, people will consider me a proud or vain person. This is because some people are not honest. They want something else but conceal it in a friendly way. They demand special treatment and confuse it between being nice or flirtatious. Sometimes, we are not sure whether this person is being a mere lovely friend or trying his luck. But I'd say: better safe than sorry.
If a friendship develops into something more, that's a different story. Sadly, more often than not, there is a false intention from the beginning: flirting in disguise. I will say that this kind of guy has so little confidence in him. This kind of guy deserves nothing but pity.